


Of Reactants and Reagents

by LadyOfTheOldWorld



Series: Like Walking on Broken Glass [4]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Acting Out, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anxiety Attacks, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Eto and Rize are both pan but it doesn't really come up, F/F, F/M, Gen, Heats are mentioned/implied but not shown, I Finished This Instead Of Sleeping, I haven't slept in days so I'm probably forgetting tags, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Tendencies, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Once again Arima/Eto is a non-sexual ship, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rize/Eto is sweet, Self-Harm, Suicidal Tendencies, Therapy, There's 0.05 seconds of happy amid the angst, Trans Character, Trans Tatara (Tokyo Ghoul), Trans Yoshimura Eto | Takatsuki Sen, Underage - Freeform, not beta read we die like men, unsafe binding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 07:19:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18806392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyOfTheOldWorld/pseuds/LadyOfTheOldWorld
Summary: The more things change, the more they stay the same. -- Eto-centric.





	Of Reactants and Reagents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mercyandmagic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercyandmagic/gifts).



> The angst train keeps rolling. Mind the tags, watch your step, and keep yourselves safe. Enjoy cute girls for 0.05 seconds???
> 
> (Even Houji can't get Tatara to bind safely, not with the other shit going on.)

Starting sixth grade in April was undeniably strange for Eto.

Despite being almost a year older than her classmates, it had never really bothered her. How could it, with everything _else_ going on in her life? (Looking like she was younger rather than older helped, but that was beside the point.) Though it was her last year of elementary school, that didn’t bother her, either. She had never had friends, always too focused on staying alive and later on her " _extracurricular activities_ ," so it wasn’t exactly surprising. Over the last few months, from late December until late March, the life she had known for the past four years had been uprooted and changed so quickly she was truthfully still reeling from it. Going from what had basically amounted to abject poverty to something like middle class in the span of a few days should have been a dream come true, but Eto was old enough – _jaded_ enough to realize that dreams didn’t come true. This wasn’t some fairytale; good things _didn’t happen_.

Ungrateful as it may have sounded, just because she suddenly didn’t have to worry about where her next meal would come from, just because she now had heat and electricity and running water didn’t mean her life was _better_. Just because she had her own bedroom, just because she had clothes that fit didn’t mean she was any _happier_. She still had to steal makeup to hide her bruises. She still had to walk on eggshells where Tatara was concerned because withdrawals and AA and school and therapy and even fucking _Houji_ were still stressing him out so much he barely slept. She still hardly breathed, hardly ate, hardly slept because fear had become her constant companion and she didn’t know who she was _without_ it. Fear of starvation, fear of pain, fear of abandonment, and fear of so many other things she wanted to scream and make herself bleed at the same time just so it would all _stop_. So of course she did. She stole a pack of razor blades, and found the places where she could hide the scars the easiest.

A collection of long thin scars started to accumulate on her hips and thighs, the only two places she’d dared to cut so far. Being constantly cold helped her to hide them, as she never wore anything but the winter uniform, with its long sleeves and thicker material. Of course, that was in and of itself a strange thing. To have the _option_ to wear the summer uniform was completely novel to Eto; even with Noro, while her clothes had always at least fit, her wardrobe had been small. But that wasn’t the point. She had never had the _choice_ before. Since May 4th almost four years ago, her choices had been taken from her. She hadn’t had the _choice_ to eat or starve. She hadn’t had the _choice_ to be warm or cold. She hadn’t had the _choice_ to feel secure or be afraid. She hadn’t had _any_ choices because _that was just the way the world worked_. Bad things happened to people, and children didn’t have choices. That was how real life worked, which she’d had to find out the hard way.

Of course, there was one choice she had made the best of much more willingly, even if it had also been taken from her in a sense. Spending time with Kishou was… comforting, strangely. They only really had time to see each other on the weekends, and even the few short hours they were allowed to spend together were always chaperoned – the only reason Houji was allowing them to see each other in the first place – but it was still nice. The most they had done was hold hands and somewhat cuddle, and as much as Eto would have liked to be able to have more contact, she _supposed_ that she understood why they weren’t allowed anything more. Mature for her age or not, legally mated or not, a twelve-year-old omega in a relationship with an eighteen-year-old alpha was nothing short of a legal and moral nightmare. And that wasn’t even taking into consideration that the age of consent was eighteen, regardless of being legally mated or not.

That said, school was still an issue. She didn’t see the point of transferring to a different elementary school just for one year, but wasn’t going to fight Houji on it. She lived under _his_ roof after all, and while she knew he loved Tatara, she wasn’t going to push him into throwing her out by being a brat. At least, not about things like that. Breaking the first pair of glasses he bought her just because she didn’t like them, and then claiming that they didn’t work but that no-one had listened, had so far been the extent she was willing to go to in order to express her feelings. Not that she really knew _what_ she was feeling in the first place, and even if she had known, she wouldn’t have known _why_. Spending years with Tatara in the gutter had stunted her emotional growth, but she had gotten too good at pretending that she didn’t care. It was easier to shove down the constricting feeling in her chest, or to throw it into the book she was writing, or to use it to fuel the endeavors that were slowly forming into a gang.

And of course, everything always seemed to circle back to school…

* * *

"So, the rumors _are_ true."

Heterochromatic eyes flicked upward from the notebook laying open on the desk, peering out from behind red-framed round glasses. Before her stood a beautiful girl with amethyst-hued eyes and hair to match, also wearing red-framed glasses, though hers were rectangular rather than circular. It took a moment for Eto to put a name to a face, but before she could question what the other omega was doing _or_ what she wanted, the taller girl spoke while calmly dragging a chair over to join Eto at the desk.

"I didn’t think you’d be _cute_ , but I’m glad you are. Rize Kamishiro, by the way."

Once again before Eto could voice a response, Rize was leaning forward into her space, elbows resting on the desk and chin settled on her interlocked fingers.

"So, _you_ ’re the girl dating my brother. Honestly, I didn’t think he’d _ever_ get a girlfriend – Hairu and I’ve been at him for _ages_ about it – so – "

This time, Eto forcefully cut the other girl off, starting to feel annoyed with the way Rize didn’t seem to have a _point_ to her words. "What do you _want_?" The words were rude and her tone sharp, but she really didn’t care just then.

For a moment, Rize simply blinked. Then her lips curled upward in a smile that was positively _wicked_ , and Eto couldn’t help but wonder what was coming next.

"I wanted to get to know you~" the other omega purred. "But now, I think I want something _else_."

"What the _fuck_ ’s that supposed to – " Once again, the taller girl cut her off, but not in the same way.

Eto had never thought someone’s lips could be so soft, deciding she didn’t really mind. As far as first kisses went, the older omega decided, it wasn’t bad. Truthfully, she enjoyed it enough to lean back in for _more_.

They kissed in soft afternoon light, and Eto felt something like happy for the first time in years.

* * *

Despite the soft warmth that Rize had awoken in her, Eto’s pessimism told her that it wouldn’t last. That thought was decidedly confirmed, when she arrived… _home_ wasn’t the right word. Maybe someday she might come to consider the small house in the suburbs "home," but for now, it was just the house she lived in – and very, _very_ uncomfortably, at that. (Truthfully, spending time with Kishou was the closest she'd come to feeling a sense of having a "home" since Noro’s death, but Eto didn’t want to think about that just then.) Almost upon reaching the porch, a coldness skittered down her spine, making her hesitate when it came to reaching for the door handle. Then she got closer, made herself bite the proverbial bullet, and began to open the door. Apprehension shot through her. Screaming slammed into her like a truck, forcing the air from her lungs like she’d been punched, and sending her almost physically reeling.

Screaming, the clear sounds of a fight, meant only one thing. Or well, one of two things, but both had the same result and cause. Either Tatara was _just_ drunk enough to call Houji of his own accord, or he was _so far gone_ that someone else had called Houji instead. No matter which it was, both implied that the Chinese omega was well and truly blackout drunk, and it always meant a fight. But more than that, it meant Eto felt her body sizing up, hands beginning to shake and breaths beginning to quake. Reflexively, her bottom lip was drawn between her teeth, the action meant to keep her quiet and not draw any(more) of her guardian’s wrath. She could barely register most of what they were yelling, standing beside the partially open door as she was, but what she _could_ hear was enough to make her whimper quietly. Houji sounded desperate, like he was about to cry, Tatara slurring and heedless. Not even the fact that it was in Chinese could ease the blows, her mind translating.

" – KEEPS DRIVING YOU TO THIS?! FOR GODS’ SAKE, _TALK TO ME_ FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF JUST – "

"OH, LIKE YOU REALLY _FUCKING_ CARE! FUCKING _PARASITES_ ARE YOUR DAMN FAULT – "

Eto didn’t know what made her turn and run, only that something _did_ , the door falling shut in her wake. Chin pressed to her chest, tears streaming from her mismatched eyes, she didn’t even know where she was running _to_ until she reached what was apparently her destination. Though the area was at first unfamiliar – _far_ too nice to be one of her usual haunts, change in living situation notwithstanding – her instincts drove her forward. Up a few flights of stairs, and then down a hallway, the tiny omega found herself standing before a door. Then her mismatched gaze landed on the nameplate beside the door, above the doorbell, and the pieces clicked into place. This was _Kishou’s apartment_ ; a place she had the address for, but had never been allowed to visit. Still trembling, still crying, she reached up with a shaking hand to press the bell. If he didn’t answer, she had no idea what she'd do. He had to be there, he just _had_ to.

By some miracle, it seemed he was home, though confused and apprehensive when he opened the door. Heedlessly, Eto threw herself against him, sobbing and shaking and pressing her face so hard into his chest it was likely that her glasses would either break or leave bruises. True to form, Kishou only stumbled back a step, arms reflexively coming up to hold her close. Not that his reaction had much to do with Eto, exactly – he had two younger sisters, both of whom were explosively emotional, after all. Readjusting his hold, the blue-haired alpha all but picked her up, nudging the front door closed with a hip as he did so. Knowing he wouldn’t get any sort of explanation out of her for the foreseeable future, he simply carried his tiny mate over to the couch. (The apartment was small, rather sparsely furnished, but was in truth more than he needed.) Settling with Eto in his lap, he gently shifted her so that he could carefully pry her school bag from her grasp.

Part of Kishou – the part that was responsible and reliable and even a bit detached, the part of him that his "family" so prized – told him he should call Houji immediately. The rest of him argued that if he did that, he'd be knowingly and willingly shattering the fragile trust this broken girl had very slowly begun to place in him. Deciding that Eto’s emotional and mental anguish took precedence, he very gently slipped her glasses off and set them on his coffee table, before toeing off his slippers to curl her safely between him and the back of the couch. (Her own shoes had been flung off somewhere between the door and here, and could be dealt with later.) Gingerly combing his fingers through her vibrant hair, he murmured soft words to do his best to comfort her. While it could easily have been said he didn’t understand others’ emotions, Kishou at the very least knew what it was like to feel like your world was breaking and you had no-one to turn to. The gods could damn him for eternity before he would let Eto feel that way _ever_ again.

It took a few hours, but eventually she cried herself to sleep. For a few moments after he was sure she was completely dead to the world, Kishou simply held her, selfishly allowing himself to enjoy the feel of her in his arms. Of course, he knew that good things couldn’t last forever, and so ended up carefully prying himself away from her. Settling a pillow under her head, and wrapping her in a blanket, he shook his own weariness away before standing. Turning on the light in his bedroom and the light in the kitchen, but leaving the living room as dark as he could get away with, the eighteen-year-old moved quietly about his apartment. First he collected Eto’s shoes and set them beside his own on the small mat by the front door. Following that, he picked up her school bag from where it had ended up beside the couch, and set it on the coffee table. He was debating dinner – he wasn’t used to cooking for more than one person, but he wasn’t sure what Eto’s opinion on take-out was – when her cellphone started ringing inside her schoolbag.

Kishou didn’t need to check the caller I.D.; only three people had her number.

"She’s safe." He cut across Houji’s ranting immediately, voice just a touch cold. As he spoke, he made his way into the kitchen, deciding that cooking would be a better option than ordering in. Though he very dearly wished to add, ' _No thanks to_ you,' he was aware that that would only make the situation worse.

"Eto showed up in hysterics a few hours ago, and I just managed to get her somewhat calmed down. I don’t know what happened – she cried herself to sleep – and I’m not sure I _want_ to know." Perhaps ramen wasn’t the best choice for dinner, but it was the only thing he could think of off the top of his head, and the only thing he could say with certainty that he had the ingredients for. The older alpha’s words gave him pause, however, causing the beautiful boy’s features to harden as his grip tightened ever so slightly on the phone he held.

Once again he cut coldly and cleanly through Houji’s words, this time not caring in the slightest, as protectiveness he had never before known roared to life in his chest. "I _said_ I didn’t want to know, but let me make one thing _very_ clear, Kousuke Houji." Kishou’s words were so edged, they could have been mistaken for knives. Despite this, his tone remained deadly calm. "If Eto comes to me so distraught she can’t even _speak_ – all because of your _bitch_ – _ever again_ , I won’t hesitate to remind you just _who_ really has the legal right here."

That said, not giving the man on the other end of the line even a second more of his time, he hung up. Quickly shutting off the phone – furious as Houji would be, he was unlikely to do anything, at least for tonight – Kishou set it on the counter with a sigh. Allowing himself a moment to simply breathe, during which he removed his glasses to rub at his eyes in an effort to stave off the migraine he could feel beginning to form, the young alpha reflected on the current situation. It wasn’t an understatement by any means to say that he had never once in his life spoken to an adult (let alone a _superior_ ) in such a way, and as such he found himself floored by his own actions. Respect and reticence were all but beaten into the children in his family, and while his siblings all seemed hell-bent on defying that to varying degrees, he himself had never once set so much as a _toe_ out of line. Of course, then Eto had come barreling into his life in a hurricane of suicidality and furious nihilism, and everything had changed.

Sighing again, unable to stop a smile forming on his lips, he straightened and slipped his glasses back on.

Dinner wouldn’t cook itself, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> A reactant is a substance consumed in the course of a chemical reaction. A reagent is a substance or compound added to a system to cause a chemical reaction, or added to test if a reaction occurs.
> 
> Proof read and edited 5/13/19.


End file.
